In July I wrote an article entitled: "Dumped? Get set for new life."
In that article I stressed the importance of avoiding all contact with your ex if you find yourself dumped. I opined the importance of doing so if you ever want to recover, heal your broken heart and become desirable again.
A dear friend came to me recently and told me of a story so horrific illustrating the importance of breaking all contact, that I thought I would share it with you.
Flashback - 2003.
My friend was involved in a very passionate relationship. He was deeply in love and thought he had found his "true love."
Unfortunately, one day it came to a unexpected end. He was heart-broken, lost and looking for answers. My friend is an ambitious, loving and caring guy and when the hammer fell on his relationship he sunk into a deep depression.
His girl at the time had just moved in a few months prior to the break-up and despite my pleas to rid her from his life, he continued to live with her afterwards.
She stated: "She thought he was a fantastic guy and wanted to remain friends."
Can you imagine the torment?
He didn't want to lose her, unfortunately, he didn't realize he already had.
The tumultuous living arrangement lasted a couple of months, then on one fateful day he took her dog for a walk while she was "supposedly" at work. Upon his return he walked in on her "entertaining".
Life grinded to a halt for him on that day. For the months that followed he walked around in a cloud - a broken man.
Afterwards, it took him a long time to wipe the heart-ache and images from his mind and to be able to finally cope with life again.
Fast-forward - Summer 2005
He had fallen in love again. Once again he was unexpectedly dumped. This time however, he heeded my advice and tried to break free. No more sleeping in the same bed. No more nightly dinners. Well - not entirely, he did continue to profess his love, and he tried to keep in touch on a nightly basis - a gigantic, NO - NO.
By doing so you simply lessen the chances of ever rekindling lost love. After-all, right or wrong the dumper, dumped for a reason. And by keeping in touch, you only set yourself up for more heartache. As long as you "pine", your questions will no longer be answered to your liking.
1. What are up to?
2. Want to get together tonight?
3. I love you? Wait - that's not a question, quit being so needy.
Face reality 99.9% of………….
(to be continued)
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Part 2 of this article will be posted once Part 1 reaches 500 hits.
Lindsay Wincherauk is a Vancouver based author. For information on his books visit www.seedenterprises.com .


35 and Single (Written by : Heather Jaillett)
It doesn't matter how you got to be single in your mid-thirties. What does matter, however, is that you have certain priorities in order so that you can protect yourself and those you date from getting hurt. There are too many reasons to list on why you're on the market at this stage in your life, but you should be clear on your goals, both long and short-term. You don't want to be led on or trapped into something you didn't want in the first place.
The very first things you need to consider are your short and long-term relationship goals. If you are a confirmed bachelor (or bachlorette) you definitely don't want to be dating someone who is determined to settle down and start a family. Age is often tied to this as well. A twenty-something may be looking for a good time or to tie the knot. While a boy toy or trophy can be fun in the short-term, if you are looking for a serious relationship you may want to look elsewhere.
There are a lot of things to consider when dating either above or below your age bracket. If you fall for someone who is a lot younger, you may get hurt because they can lack maturity that comes only from life experience. Twenty-somethings are often still trying to figure out where they fit in, and are still forming their goals. Another problem is children; they may or may not want them. If you get really serious, as in any age bracket, you need to discuss each other's views on children.
On the other hand, if you date someone much older than you there are some problems to be aware of as well. Older people tend to have already decided what they want out of life, and generally are not too excited to change course. If you really want to settle down, don't go chasing after the man or woman who has no intention of a long-term relationship. Also, there are certain generation gaps that have to be considered. Your older lover may not appreciate going to see your favorite rock group in concert. With consideration and understanding, however, many obstacles of dating older and younger people can be overcome.
Another thing to consider is your financial position. Have you dedicated the last ten years to getting ahead in your career and the rewards that come with that? Are you willing to give up half of your money in a divorce? You will have to decide what is important depending on the person you are dating. Even people who aren't married have had their lover run off with the bank account. Protect yourself, and if necessary, seek the advice of an attorney before you propose or accept a proposal.
Finally, if you have children you need to consider the type of people that are entering your life. Do you want to bring any and all of your dates to meet them, or are you going to wait for someone fairly serious? You also have to try to uphold the values that you want your children to follow in their lives. You are a role model, and how you conduct yourself does make an impression on your children.
In short, be smart about what you are doing. Don't leave yourself open to be taken advantage of. Most of all, though, have fun and good luck in pursuing your romantic endeavors.
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Heather Jaillett writes for Dr Dating - If you are single and looking for love then this is the site for you. Articles, Reviews and Links to the best sites on the Internet and the DrDating Forum – a forum for people looking for help in love, relationships and dating.


Dating and a Movie Again (Written by : Heather Jaillett)
Are you tired of the same old routine first dates? Need a change from the dinner and a movie routine? Why not do something that gives you some insight into each other's personality and is interesting? Not that I'm totally against dinner and a movie as a first date or even a tenth date. There is the benefit that you don't have to think about what you're going to say next for at least 90 minutes (even longer if it's a Kevin Costner epic). I just think that a change needs to occur when I've seen all of the movies playing this month at the local megaplex. Another downside to dinner and a movie is that it can be inconvenient for those of us who work the nightshift. So I am offering the following ideas to inspire you to get out of the dating rut, whether it's your first or tenth.
For the romantic, a picnic is an ideal choice as long as the weather cooperates. For inclimate weather you may have to get creative in your location, but don't give up hope. Traditionally, picnicking is something that established couples do, but don't be afraid to suggest it early in your romance. In addition to having as simple or elaborate meal as you choose, you can bring along a Frisbee or ball to play catch. You can also take a walk. For the less ambitious or weather bound, you can people watch or share a paper (Sunday papers work especially well). Another benefit is that daylight dating adds a little bit of safety, and you can always have an escape excuse if things aren't going the way you planned (Examples: I'm babysitting for a friend, I'm having my teeth cleaned, I have to have dinner with my parents – you get the idea.). People also seem to be more honest about themselves in the cold light of day, which is always refreshing. Finally, there is the benefit that you can always continue the date into the evening if things are going exceptionally well.
Another great date place is a theme park. If you live near one of the larger ones, like Disneyland, it can be expensive. Call and ask about local resident discounts, and if you have friends that work there ask if they can get you a passes at a reduced rate. Don't overlook the smaller carnivals and festivals in your area. It can be significantly less expensive and equally entertaining. These sort of places have a little of everything, so you should be able to find something the two of you can enjoy. This is also a great choice for that first date with his or her children.
Sports and hobbies are also excellent dating opportunities. Are you a member of a club? Invite your next date to a club activity. Mountain biking, hiking, in-line skating, tennis, or any joint hobby can be excellent first date material. They provide an activity that you both have a common interest in. Also, there is no better way to bring out the dark side of people than competitive sports. Wouldn't you like to see that up front? You can also impress your date with your skill, or get a few pointers from him or her.
The whole point though is to do something that is interesting and allows for you to get to know each other better. Even if you don't click on a romantic level, you can always have an enjoyable afternoon that won't leave you feeling like you should have done your laundry instead.
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Heather Jaillett writes for Dr Dating - If you are single and looking for love then this is the site for you. Articles, Reviews and Links to the best sites on the Internet and the DrDating Forum – a forum for people looking for help in love, relationships and dating.